Failure
by Linnzi
Summary: Written for the Sheppard HC comm. challenge, 'Loss of a child'. A mission to a reclusive society ends in disaster for the team. Told from McKay and Sheppard's points of view. Chapter 6 finally up...
1. Chapter 1

Failure.

Written for the Sheppard H/C comm challenge, 'Loss of a child'. Thanks to Kodiak for her beta skills.

Chapter 1.

"He shouldn't bloody well be here, Rodney. Look at the man. He's barely on his feet! He should be in my infirmary. Lord knows why I let him talk me into this. If he passes out, not only could he knock himself senseless, but he'll probably tear out his sutures, and then God knows what'll…"

I heard Carson's voice rambling on, and knew he was right. Sheppard shouldn't have returned here, to Linaria. He was far too sick to be out of bed, let alone wandering about on another planet. Yet, I knew he had to do this. I understood he had to say goodbye, try and let go of his guilt, and move on. I'd helped persuade Elizabeth and Carson to let Colonel Compassionate head off, against every ounce of common sense in my body, because I knew what he needed to do. After all, I was there too, and to a certain extent, I shared his grief, though not his guilt. That man could out guilt a Catholic priest, for God's sake.

As I watched Sheppard limp and stumble his way to the alabaster dais, and place the iridescent crystal in the appropriate slot, his injured arm pressed to his side protecting his wound there, my heart sank. We were there to honour the life of a person we barely knew, but who had stolen our hearts, Sheppard's more than anyone's. I always said a female would break his heart, and I was right. When aren't I? Only I didn't guess that she'd take mine too, and that she'd only be ten years old.

As Sheppard placed the crystal as he'd been instructed to, the whole room lit up with brilliant light. Shadows danced, and colours streamed above and around us. It was breathtaking, and everything that _she _was. Light, joy, life, brilliance and purity. It seemed so appropriate to honour her that way.

Sheppard turned and faced the crowd of people. His face was grey, pain etched deeply into his strained features. His left arm, which was resting in its sling, was clenched at his injured right side, and sweat beaded on his creased forehead.

"For Inari. May she rest in peace."

Sheppard's voice was loud and clear, and the distress he obviously felt from Inari's death, and his own physical pain, weren't obvious in his controlled tone. I admired him for that. I couldn't have put in such a compelling performance.

I watched as he nodded at Meldos, and the leader of Linaria nodded solemnly in return. Sheppard then walked slowly towards us, biting his lower lip. Whether it was to control his emotions or to help him battle his pain, well, with Sheppard you never knew, for sure, did you?

He stood next to Carson, Ronon, Teyla and me, and wavered a little, and Teyla put a steadying arm on his. His face remained impassive as we all listened to the meaningless words spewing from the priest's mouth. What a wonderful joy it had been to know Inari, how lucky we all were. How her death meant something. I'd heard it all before, and looking at Sheppard's pained face, I knew he had too.

When it was all finished, and God, did the Linarian's rival the good old catholic masses when it came to laborious, meaningless diatribe and reams of morbid music supposedly celebrating a person's life, we made our excuses and left. Sheppard hobbled along, shrugging away Carson and Teyla's offers of help. He was going to get through this alone if was the last thing he did, and at the rate he was going, it would be.

Sheppard's face was now a ghostly white, and none of us could miss his laboured breathing as he battled to put one foot in front of the other. When we finally reached the jumper, which Lorne had parked on the outskirts of the city, Sheppard's shoulders sagged in relief. I knew he just wanted to get home. He'd done his duty, battled his infirmity and could now go back to his usual self-loathing and self-guilt ritual.

Lorne nodded as we approached, and I noticed Sheppard barely nodding in return.

As he entered the ship, he finally wavered, and none of us were quick enough to catch him as he fell with an audible thud to the hard jumper floor.

"Christ! Did I not say this would happen?" Carson asked in annoyance and concern as he rushed forward to tend to his patient.

As he turned Sheppard over carefully, Beckett tutted as he examined the colonel, and took his vitals.

"Major? We need to get back to Atlantis as soon as possible. He has, in fact, as I bloody well said he would, ruptured his sutures, and is bleeding all over your nice 'jumper. Stupid fool. He's only been four days out of surgery." He looked down at his patient again and sighed as he pressed a wad of dressings into Sheppard's oozing side. "I should never have allowed this. This was a mistake."

"This was necessary, Carson, and you know it," I answered truthfully. "Stop whining and make him better. What's done is done."

The short ride back to Atlantis was tense and quiet. Sheppard was out cold, and Carson wasn't happy with his patient's vitals. He soon had the colonel hooked up to an IV and on oxygen, and tutted through every procedure he carried out. Part of me sympathised with Beckett. His patient's health had been endangered by said patient's insistence at attending a memorial to the little girl he had failed to save. The other, less tolerant side of me wanted to smack Carson around the head and tell him to can it. We all knew Sheppard shouldn't have gone, but what could we have done to stop him? Let him discharge himself and wander off alone? No, Sheppard had asked us, asked _me _to help him. I wasn't going to let him down, and I hadn't and wouldn't.

I watched numbly as we arrived in the jumper bay and the usual medical team swarmed, sweeping Sheppard away. It reminded me of the scene of chaos that had ensued four days previously, when we'd returned with a barely alive colonel, and a wounded head scientist. Naturally said scientist was the epitome of bravery, ignoring his own bleeding head, in favour of showing concern for his injured team member.

"Rodney. What happened?" Elizabeth's concerned voice brought me back to the jumper seat I was still sitting in.

"Sheppard made it back here, and then collapsed. Carson's not too happy. He'll probably stick me with large needles now."

Elizabeth's face betrayed her anxiety.

"Is he all right?" she asked me sharply.

Why is it, in situations such as that one, somebody always asks you what you can't possibly know?

"I'm not a doctor, Elizabeth. Well, not of the medical variety. How should I know?"

Possibly my words were a little harsh, as she really didn't look too happy. Deciding that perhaps I should throw the poor woman a bone, I filled her in on what I knew.

"He tore his sutures and his vitals weren't too good. He looked pretty sick."

Elizabeth's face paled, and it suddenly struck me how small and vulnerable she was.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. He just overdid it some. Let's go find Carson and see what he's got to say," I tried to reassure her.

We made our way to the infirmary, and wandered in, loitering at the door, well out of the Scottish Whirlwind's way.

After what seemed like an eternity, Carson approached us from behind the privacy screens shielding Sheppard.

"How is he?" Elizabeth asked in a small voice.

Beckett exhaled, and an annoyed expression settled on his face.

"Not good. He ruptured some sutures, and opened his wound again. I've stitched him back up, and have him on fluids to re-hydrate him, as he lost a bit of blood. The wound has suffered a bit of trauma, which I'm not happy about, but it's nothing too bad. He also bumped his head, though it isn't anything too serious. He could well have done without this though."

Elizabeth nodded absent-mindedly, and looked eagerly at the privacy screens.

"You can both poke your heads in, but I don't want him disturbed. Is that understood? He's been through a lot, and he should never been allowed to leave my care. I knew this would end in disaster," Carson complained, in a whining voice.

I exhaled and gave Carson what I hoped was one of my annoyed expressions.

"Well, of course it was always going to end in disaster! Talk about stating the obvious. From the time the mission began to its disastrous conclusion, to now, it's been one unmitigated catastrophe after another." I paused and searched Carson's unhappy face. "He had to go, don't you see? Not just for himself, but for her. If anything half-good is to come out of this, it must be that Inari's death wasn't in vain. As it is, it was pointless. Her death was such a waste." I faltered as I felt myself lose a grip on my precariously balanced emotions. "Is he going to be okay?"

Carson considered my question and massaged the back of his neck.

"Barring any complications, and providing he lets me do my job – yes. I'm optimistic he'll make a complete physical recovery. Emotionally? I'm sure he'll just file everything away in the back of his mind like he always does," he answered sadly.

Elizabeth and I walked to Sheppard's bed and peered through the parted screens. A nurse, Alison I think, was adjusting Sheppard's IV, and writing down something on his chart. She looked up and nodded at us, smiling briefly before continuing with her duties.

Sheppard looked pretty much as he had done for the last four days: pale, sweaty and sick. His hair was stuck to his forehead, he eyes had dark, sunken circles around them, and he looked vulnerable in his infirmary bed.

"Right. You've had a look. I'll call you if there are any changes. You'd both best get some rest," Carson ordered.

As I left, I turned back for one last look as Sheppard, and thought back to ten days previously, and the beginning of our mission.

We'd all been so excited when we'd first met the Linarians, after initially getting off on the wrong foot – nothing new there. A technologically advanced race, which had evaded the Wraith for millennia because of a shield powered by a mysterious device. Who wouldn't be thrilled and hopeful that maybe, just maybe, for once we'd fallen on our feet and found a society that would be prepared to help us the way we'd tried to help other denizens of the Pegasus galaxy? Okay, so more often than not we screwed up and made everything ten times worse for them, but, hey, at least we'd tried. Even a genius makes mistakes on the odd occasion, but I'm trying very hard to let go of Arcturus and move on.

We'd found a strange entry in the Ancient database, talking of a closed society that was peace loving, yet 'corrupt in its very heart'. Well, that was helpful, wasn't it? The good old Ancients enjoyed being cryptic. They couldn't just keep a record of the facts. They thrived on mysticism and metaphor, and didn't that just help me on a daily basis? When I had single-handedly, as usual, deciphered their meandering musings, and found the elusive gate address, we sent a MALP, found nothing of interest and then headed off on our mission of discovery.

Sheppard was as enthusiastic as he always was. Cheerful and laid back – like a small child with a new toy, or a kid on an exciting adventure. I don't think any of us would have been quite so happy on that sunny morning, had we known what lay ahead of us.

Tbc.


	2. Chapter 2

So, here's chapter 2. This has a fair bit of exposition, so bear with me here. I felt it was important to understand why Inari had captivated Sheppard so much. I promise the serious whump will start next chapter, and hope you all don't find this too boring! Thanks to Kodiak for her beta skills.

Chapter 2.

McKay's pov.

We'd headed through the 'gate and felt pretty upbeat about exploring P4D-798. The Pegasus Galaxy did owe us one, and it was about damn time it paid up. After walking for a mile or so we hadn't found anything, though I'd got some intermittent faint energy readings from a few miles south of our position. We walked towards that area, and after an hour traipsing around, still had found absolutely zilch.

"Anything, Rodney?" Sheppard asked.

"Yes. Something very exciting, and I haven't bothered to tell you about it, because that's so like me, isn't it?" I grouched. Really, as if I wouldn't tell him if anything interesting had shown up. "Well, I suppose it is mildly interesting that I'm still picking up – something. Though it's very faint."

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up his forehead.

"And by something you mean…?" His arms gestured wildly around him, ending in a palms up shrug.

"Well, if I knew what it was I'd've told you Colonel, wouldn't I? Are you purposely being obtuse today?" I demanded irritably. Sheppard could try the patience of a saint some days.

As usual he didn't rise to my bait. He simply shrugged and gave me a lazy smile.

"Me? Deliberately obtuse. Nah," he joked, as he took out his sunglasses and eased them on his face.

I was just about to make an unusually clever and witty retort, when my LSD registered a massive energy spike right ahead.

"Colonel?" I began, only to be interrupted by a dozen men who appeared out of nowhere, brandishing guns that looked like something from Star Wars.

"Hi there," Sheppard begun, as he took of his glasses. His P90 was cocked, as was Teyla's, and Ronon's snappy little number was ready and raring to obliterate on cue. "We're peaceful explorers. We came through the Stargate. We're not going to cause any trouble. So let's all lower our weapons. What do you say?" he concluded, giving one of his Sheppard supergrins.

The natives didn't answer immediately, then a tall man approached us, gun pointed directly at Sheppard.

"Do not move. Lower your weapons and you will be unharmed. Move and we will have no choice but to shoot," he warned.

"Okay, okay. No need to get upset," Sheppard soothed, as the natives pointed their nice sparkly guns at us with far too much relish for my liking. "We're not here to cause trouble, just to seek allies against the Wraith, and to find trading partners. So, we, er, come in peace?" he joked.

Typical Sheppard. You find yourself at the mercy of dangerous aliens, who probably want to torture you for information, and he makes a joke. How did he become leader of the military on Atlantis again? Oh yes, he killed his superior. That's as good a reason as any, I suppose.

Seriously though, I've never doubted Sheppard's ability as a military man. His men followed him without question and were incredibly loyal. He was uncharacteristically smart for a flyboy, a great tactician, and was a one man killing machine if need be – the Genii's invasion of Atlantis had taught me that. He was also a good and fair man, who I trusted my life with. Yet, he could so easily be flippant and irreverent. John Sheppard was a true dichotomy.

We stood there at a loss at what to do next. The people pointing guns at us said nothing, and we just stood there stumped.

"Look. If you want us to leave, we will. We'll head straight back the Stargate and we won't come back – I promise," Sheppard said sincerely.

The guards who held us at gunpoint still stood motionless around us, their faces impassive.

"You may not leave. You all look very interesting. Guards? Lower your weapons, and I will talk with these strangers."

I turned to see where the voice was coming from, and was astounded to see a small child standing behind the guards. Long, blond hair flowed down her shoulders, and bright blue eyes glowed, and I was momentarily mesmerised. A small upturned nose, and full-lipped smiling mouth completed one of the most beautiful faces I've ever seen. She wore a full-length white flowing dress, and a blue pendant hung around her neck, matching the azure of her eyes. Strangely, she looked like the personification of an oil painting of an angel. Immediately I was suspicious.

"Mistress. You should not be here. Your father will be furious. Please go back to the inner sanctum while we deal with these – people," one of the guards politely ordered.

The small girl smiled serenely.

"Guard, I am sure I do not need to remind you to whom you are talking. I will take full responsibility for this. These travellers fascinate me. Remove their weapons and bring them to the sanctum. I will to talk with them."

The guard's face betrayed his dilemma, but he did as he'd been requested. The small girl had asked so politely, yet her high pitched voice carried an unusual authority and self-assurance that rather reminded me of myself at a similar age. She looked as if she was around the equivalent of ten Earth years old, but she carried herself like a woman in her thirties.

The guards took our guns after Sheppard nodded his head in agreement, and gave Ronon a rather pointed look as he refused to easily give up his trusty weapon.

"I'm Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, this is Dr. Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagen and Ronon Dex. We're peaceful explorers and traders, and we're pleased to meet you," Sheppard said in his usual easy-going voice, and I swear he was using the patented Sheppard charm on the young girl.

The child's eye's sparkled in delight as she watched him with carefully trained eyes.

"I am pleased to meet you. My name is Inari, leader elect of the Linarian Alliance. I apologise for the…zeal of my father's guards. It was not their intention to be hostile, I assure you. We are – cautious towards strangers. It has been many millenia since the last visitors came to Linaria, and you are most welcome."

Sheppard smiled lopsidedly at the pretty child.

"Thanks, Inari? Is it okay to call you that?" he asked, and I saw the amusement and delight that this child brought to his features. He was smitten, I could see. Unlike me, Sheppard, for some bizarre and unexplained reason, actually liked kids, and I could see he'd fallen under this one's spell instantaneously. Anything in a skirt. Honestly, what was he thinking, trusting a small child with a pleading face? Sometimes I wanted to smack him round the head.

"Colonel?" I interrupted. "Do you think it was wise to give up our weapons so readily? I mean she might look cute and innocent, but she could easily be an old hag waiting to pounce on us, wolf in sheep's clothing and whatnot."

Sheppard's face darkened and I knew he wasn't happy with my little speech.

"Rodney. Don't insult our host," he hissed impatiently. "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all," he concluded, shooting me a sideways glare. "Inari. I apologise if Dr. McKay unwittingly insulted you. He often speaks before his brain has engaged. I hope we haven't offended you?" he almost begged. Instantly I felt a dread in my gut. I'd heard at the SGC about Hathor and her pheromones, and had a horrible suspicion this tiny Jezebel just cast her voodoo spell on Colonel Captivated.

Inari walked up, and circled me.

"Oh, no you don't young lady. Keep your love potion away from me," I warned.

If Sheppard had seemed peeved before, he was positively fuming after I'd let the brat know that I wasn't as stupid as I looked, not that I actually _looked_ stupid, quite the opposite, actually. The look on Sheppard,'s face, however, wasn't a good one for him. Hair sticking up at odd angles, eyes open in anger, lips pursed. He sort of reminded me of a constipated hedgehog.

"Rodney! What the hell's wrong with you?" he demanded in a berating tone.

"Unlike _some _peopleColonel, I can see a potential problem here. You seem to trust this – child, without question. How can you be sure she's not intoxicating you with some sort of drug that makes you trust her? You could easily be under her spell, and you being you, wouldn't have a clue. I mean let's look at your track record with women, shall we? Hello? Chaya." Hah, what do you say to that? I inwardly thought.

"Rodney? I do not sense any deception on Inari's part, and we had little choice but to comply with her request." Teyla's calm voice interrupted the proceedings.

Inari stopped pacing and came to rest in front of me.

"I can assure you, Dr. McKay. I have no knowledge of potions or medicines that could render a person 'under my spell', though I am sure that is within my knowledge to be able to discover how to do so. The use of pheromones would be the logical place to start any research into such things, I believe," the girl mused.

I stood there dumbfounded. How could a small child have such an advanced understanding of science?

"Er, well, yes. That would obviously be the logical starting point. I didn't mean to insult you," I found myself apologising. Crap, was I intoxicated by the child too?

Inari smiled serenely at me, and I felt a warmth spread in my chest.

"I can assure you, I am in no way insulted. Your scepticism is quite understandable, and logical. I will enjoy discussing scientific matters with you," she imparted with a small laugh. She really was an unusual creature. Beautiful, articulate, intelligent, yet so – calm and almost ethereal.

"All right, Professor Pheromone," Sheppard chuckled, "let's follow our generous hosts. Inari. Where is it we're going again?" he asked in a curious, yet concerned voice.

The child left me, and took Sheppard's hand.

"We will go to the inner sanctum, where we will be safe. It is not wise to stay out here for any length of time. The Wraith cannot harm us beneath the shield. What should I call you?" she asked as she looked into his dancing hazel eyes.

Sheppard's face broke into a smile, and again I saw the amusement on his face.

"Whatever you like. Colonel…John?" he offered.

Inari led Sheppard forward, the guards keeping a respectful distance.

"I shall call you John. That is a noble name. Are you a warrior?" she asked, as our surroundings suddenly changed from blue sky to a yellow hued one. "I sense you are, yet I can also see a great intelligence in you, and I am confused. Among my people warriors are not usually as – complicated."

"Whoa! Where are we?" Sheppard exclaimed, startled by our new environs, and quite pleased to change the subject, judging from the relieved look on his face, which had replaced the momentarily startled one.

The little girl gestured above us with her free hand.

"We are under a shield which also hides us from our enemies. It is powered by a device unique in its conception and design. It was a gift from the Ancestors."

I witnessed Sheppard's eyes light up just as mine surely did.

"Really? Ancestors?" I enthused. "I don't suppose you'll let me see this 'device'?" I asked without thinking, knowing she would decline my request.

"Of course, Dr. McKay. I would be delighted to show it to you, and to discuss it with such a brilliant scientific mind as yours would be an honour," she replied matter-of-factly, as she held tightly onto Sheppard's hand

I was stunned. How did she know I was a brilliant scientist? Though I'd quickly acquired a reputation in the Pegasus Galaxy as the most valuable scientist for light years around, a closed society such as the Linarians surely couldn't have heard of me? Though my reputation proceeded me wherever I went, surely even mine wasn't that impressive.

Sheppard turned around to flash a 'told you she was nice' smile at me, as we approached a large door, which quickly opened into an impressive room.

A man who looked in his fifties approached us, concern and irritation evident in his features.

"Inari? What is this I hear about you inviting strangers here? I know how curious you are my sweet, but it is not for you to make such decisions alone. You are not ruler yet, and nor will you be if you are as careless as this."

The child let go of Sheppard's hand and reached forward to touch the man's arm.

"Father. These are good people, who seek allies in their fight against the Wraith. They also ask permission to trade. They come from the city of the Ancestors."

I watched the shock register on Sheppard's face as he comprehended Inari's words.

"I didn't tell you that. What makes you think we came from the city of the Ancestors?" Sheppard asked in a casual tone.

Inari looked into Sheppard's eyes, and gently took his hand again.

"I am sorry. I should have asked permission. That was impolite of me. I read your mind, John," she answered gently.

Oh wasn't that just typical. Put Sheppard and a female together and what do you get? Trouble, of course.

"Nice little girl, my…" I began, just to be rudely interrupted by Sheppard.

"Rodney! Remember whose company we're in!"

"Oh for goodness sake. She might look like a charming little girl, but she's hardly that, is she? Yet again you've trusted the fairer species without question, and now she knows about Atlantis. I think I'm going to call you Lieutenant Colonel Liability from now on." My words might have been a little harsh, but really, did I not warn Sheppard?

Inari approached me, letting go of her new best playmate's hand.

"Dr. McKay? I read your mind also. I cannot read the minds of those who are closed to me, so I presumed you would not mind? Your secret is safe with my people."

Secret? Which secret was she talking about. I had loads of them locked up in my complicated and brilliant mind.

"I am referring to the deception you maintain that Atlantis has been destroyed, not your secret stash of …" A look of bewilderment crossed Inari's delicate features

"Okay! I think that's enough of my secrets revealed thank you very much, young lady," I admonished, hoping that a young girl from another culture would have no idea what porn was. Why did my brain have to think about my treasured stash when I knew my mind could be read at any time?

Inari's father approached us.

"I apologise for my daughter's imposition. Though she is a unique and gifted child, sometimes she does not realise the consequences of her actions. She should not have invited you here. Linaria does not welcome strangers, for very good reason."

Sheppard grimaced and stepped forward slightly.

"Look…Sir. We don't mean to cause you any trouble. We're looking for friends and trading partners, nothing more. If we're not welcome…well, we'll just be on our way," he said softly, though I recognised the steel in Sheppard's voice.

Inari held tightly onto the colonel's hand, and as he looked down at her, I saw his eyes soften as he gazed at the small child.

"It is all right John. You have nothing to fear from us. You will be able to return to Atlantis and…Dr. Weir?" she asked.

"Inari. Do not make promises you know we cannot keep," her father warned solemnly.

Sheppard studied the small girl.

"You really can read minds?" he asked quietly, not bothering to ask what Inari's father had meant by her not being able to keep promises. I suddenly had a terrible sense of foreboding.

Inari nodded, and gestured at the pendant around her neck.

"I am able to do it because of the talisman I wear. It is a gift from the Ancestors, but only a female from the ruler line is able to use it."

Inari's father sighed, and shook his head in reprimand.

"Inari? What am I to do with you?" Somehow the man just couldn't bring himself to chastise his errant daughter. "Colonel, you have to understand. Inari is a precious and rare gift to my people. She is the first daughter born in the ruling line of Linaria in three hundred cycles who has the power of the Ancestors."

What? Not more voodoo rubbish about special powers and Ancient spells. What was it with the denizens of the Pegasus Galaxy? I really had had enough of the Ancient's insistence that their progeny held them in such reverence.

"Power of the Ancestors?" Teyla asked gently.

Inari cocked her head, and studied Teyla closely.

"I have the power to activate the Ancestors devices. A female from my family line has been unable to achieve such a feat for many, many cycles."

I looked across at Sheppard, who despite his film star looks, was surprisingly pretty smart – on the odd occasion.

"She has the Ancient gene?" he asked incredulously.

Inari nodded enthusiastically.

"As do you John. I sense Dr. McKay does as well…yet there is something not quite right about him," she mused.

I heard a deep chuckle from Ronon.

"You're not kidding," he muttered gruffly.

Sheppard looked earnestly at the man in front of him.

"Look. We just want to find allies and trade. If you don't want that, well - we'll just leave. We won't tell anybody about you. You have my word. But, you have to let us go. Our people will only come looking for us when we don't return," he said evenly.

The grey-haired man stepped forward again.

"Forgive me. I am Meldos. Ruler of Linaria, and father to Inari. I am sorry, but Inari is quite incorrect. You will not be allowed to leave our world."

Oh wasn't that just typical. Yet again Sheppard's love of all things female had landed us in the proverbial crapper.

Sheppard frowned and looked into Meldos' face.

"Look, Meldos. I don't know what's going on, but we really do have to leave soon. I'm sorry you're not interested in trading or getting to know us better, but you can't keep us here against our will."

Meldos considered Sheppard's words.

"You do not understand my position. We cannot risk any contact with strangers, we are a self-sustaining society. Our history is quite violent, and all because of strangers entering our midst. Our laws are quite specific. You may not leave and it will be necessary for you to be imprisoned."

Inari stepped forward and smiled sadly at her father.

"Which is why the laws must change, father. What happened long ago should not determine how we rule now. Lessons have been learned. John and his people are who they say. They do not deceive us. We could benefit from such an alliance."

Meldos sighed and lovingly kissed his daughter's forehead.

"I will consider your request, Colonel. You may have the freedom of the sanctum, but do not try to leave. Guards? Do not leave the newcomers unguarded at anytime."

Inari led us away, taking Sheppard by the hand, as we walked around the beautiful city that nobody knew was there.

-oOo-

The next five days were spent with us discovering the delights of the sanctum. Inari had persuaded Meldos to let us contact Elizabeth and to tell her we were safe and well, but would not be home until we'd worked out some sort of deal. Meldos had reluctantly agreed that we posed no danger, and that he would indeed let us go, albeit reluctantly. Possibly he'd even consider us becoming allies and future trading partners. Inari could be very persuasive when she chose to be, and I marvelled at her manipulation of her father. Besides, the Wraith already knew of their existence, they just couldn't get to the Linarians, so how could we pose a realistic threat to them? I'd put forward that point, and obviously they couldn't dispute my astute observation.

I'd soon discovered that Linaria's history had been bloody. Coup after coup had taken place after strangers from another world had been welcomed and integrated into Linarian society thousands of years before. Over the centuries, there was unrest, and deep resentment, culminating in corrupt members of the royal line murdering outsiders, as they were called, in a struggle for power. Anarchy was rife, and the whole society had nearly collapsed from within, when greed and power battled for supremacy. It all sounded horribly familiar. Doesn't matter where you go in the Universe, humans are the same everywhere. In the end the corrupt were disposed of, but the cost was huge. After centuries of civil war and corruption, the ruling family had been all but murdered, and Meldos' ancestors were the last of the royal line. A ruler had married a woman from an outsider's family, and peace was finally achieved. Somewhere along the line, probably because of the introduction of a different gene pool, the ancient gene had waned, with females rarely being born with it, especially so in the royal line. Inari was an exception, and thus a great 'portent'. She'd been educated from a tiny age, and was near genius and horrendously precocious. There was also something horribly appealing about the child, and in the days we'd spent on Linaria, Sheppard had fallen for the minx hook line and sinker.

It was when the two of them had goneexploring that the trouble began. I'd been talking to a scientist, Manora, discussing the shield and cloaking technology, when I got the feeling something was up. I noticed a guard whispering to an important looking guy who was scrutinising me. Yes, something was definitely wrong. I'm not an instinctual sort of man, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I looked around and noticed unease in the room, and had a feeling I knew who the blatantly obvious bad news concerned.

"Hello? Yes, you, guard. What going on?" I asked in a forthright manner. When was I ever one to beat around the bush?

The guard looked uncomfortable and looked over at the important looking bigwig, asking for permission to tell me what was going on.

"Our leader elect has been taken."

I took in his words, and it suddenly dawned on me that the leader elect was Inari. Of course, who had been with Inari ? Sheppard, of course, wasn't that a given?

Teyla and Ronon ran into the room, heading towards me, anger and concern evident in their features.

"McKay. Sheppard's been taken. His guards murdered," Ronon's gruff voice explained.

Teyla exhaled, and shook her head.

"Inari has been taken also. We do not know if they have been harmed. Come. We must speak to Meldos."

I followed my team members as they strolled determinedly away, my own guards trailing behind me. Somebody had murdered Sheppard's guards? Not for the first time I was worried for Sheppard. Why did this always happen to us? By the end of the day I was to ask why did this always happen to Sheppard.

Tbc.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

Let the Shep whump begin...Thanks to Kodiak for her beta skills - again!

Sheppard's pov.

I woke up feeling like hell. My side throbbed, my head ached, and I felt like I was going to throw up at any minute. My body was telling me in no uncertain terms, that it wasn't pleased with my decision to go against its advice, and take a little trip back to Linaria.

My heart sank as I remembered why I'd had to go back to that planet. Inari. Sweet little kid, just the sort I'd like to have had myself, if things had turned out differently for me.

From the moment I met her, she sort of clicked with me. Maybe it was the Ancient gene we shared, maybe she filled a void in my life I didn't want to admit was there. I had no idea what it was about her that had captivated me. All I knew was, on top of the physical pain I was experiencing, and boy was there plenty of that, there was a cold, dark abyss in the periphery of my very being. If I wasn't careful, I was going to teeter over the edge and fall right into it.

I'd instantly known I was back in the infirmary. Monitors beeped, IV's pulled, and my favourite nasal cannula tugged at my nostrils. I'd been surprised when Carson had let me go back to Linaria, and I was grateful to McKay for persuading him to give me a temporary visa out of the Doc's corner of Atlantis. I knew McKay would be demanding payback sooner or later, but I'd willingly pay whatever he asked.

I'd managed to get on my feet and say goodbye to a special little girl. All I had to do was try to get over her death, and my inability to do what I'd promised her: to keep her safe. I'd failed miserably at the one thing I'm supposed to be good at: protecting those who needed protecting.

"Colonel? How are you feeling?" Carson's slightly stern voice took me by surprise. I hadn't heard him approaching my bed, which showed just how out of it I was.

How was I feeling? Emotionally numb, in pain, angry, frustrated, useless, pathetic, a failure. Carson could have picked any of those words; they all applied to me.

"I'm fine," I lied, knowing there was no way the Scottish Terrier would let me off the hook that easily.

Beckett gave me his 'don't bother lying to me, because I'm not that stupid' look.

"I very much doubt that. Well, you'll be pleased to know you ruptured some sutures, had a nice little bleed, and knocked yourself even more senseless that you are already," he informed me a little uncharitably.

"You been taking lessons from McKay, Doc? 'Cause I swear I heard snark in your voice," I half joked, though I was secretly appalled at my gravelly voice.

Ignoring my attempt at levity, Beckett scowled at me until I wanted to hide underneath my crisp white infirmary sheets.

"I'm glad you think this situation is amusing, Colonel. After your ill advised trek, you'll now be having an extended stay in my happy infirmary."

I stared back at Carson, and found myself letting out a small hysterical laugh.

"Amusing? You think I've found this situation funny?" I barked at Beckett. "A little girl is dead, and I couldn't save her. I let them kill her. I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. An extended stay in your fucking infirmary seems insignificant in comparison."

I managed to work myself up to almost yelling, and was half-sitting up, just to find myself suddenly collapsing back against my pillows, regretting the fact that I'd expended that much energy. If I felt crap before, I felt like crapped on crap after that. I panted through the pain, but it wasn't my physical discomfort which hurt so much, it was the loss of Inari. Sure, I'd lost people I'd cared for before, too many too count, but Inari was so young, so innocent. She had her whole life in front of her, and what a wonderful life it would've been. That's what I was finding so hard to accept. An innocent, bright light had been extinguished and I hadn't been able to stop that happening. It was so – futile, and unfair.

Concern crossed Carson's features, and he moved towards me with a syringe in his hand.

"I know you're not feeling yourself, Son. So I'll ignore that." His face softened, and he reached out, injecting the contents of the syringe into my IV port. "There you go, Lad. That'll make you feel a bit better," he soothed.

I shook my head and laughed softly.

"I don't think there's anything you can give me to make me feel better, Carson," I replied bitterly.

"No, I don't suppose there is. I'll not lie to you. I'm angry you went back to Linaria. Angry with you, Rodney - but mostly with myself. I should never have agreed to it." Carson fussed over my monitors and humphed as he checked my BP. "Your pressure is too high, Colonel. You need to rest, and heal."

My eyes started to close, as whatever Carson had injected into me started to take effect. I thought back to what had happened six days previously and replayed the events in my weary mind. Surely I could've done more? I must have missed something. This had to be my fault, I was sure of that. After all, life wasn't that capricious was it? That tragedy would come without giving a person any hope of avoiding it?

Inari and I had been walking through the quieter corridors of the Sanctum when the shit had hit the fan. My team had been the guests of the Linarian Alliance for five days, but we'd reported back to Elizabeth frequently. She'd understood the situation, and as there were no crises on Atlantis, was happy for us to get to know the Linarians and to try and negotiate some sort of trading partnership, or an exchange of information and technology.

I'd gotten to know Inari pretty well in the days I'd spent with her. She was an amazing kid: bright, perceptive, calm and persuasive, to say the least. She'd filled me in on the history of her planet, and it hadn't been a pretty picture. The Ancients weren't kidding when they said that ten thousand years before they'd been pretty rotten through and through. Yet they'd learned from their mistakes and moved on – at least they thought they had. Our arrival turned out to be the catalyst that showed that maybe things weren't as good as everybody had thought.

We were walking along quietly, Inari reading my mind, and turning out to be pretty damn good at it, when her innocent features suddenly showed alarm.

"Inari? You okay?"

Her face wrinkled in confusion.

"It is not safe for us to be here. We should leave," was all she said to me.

I didn't argue with her. She was a pretty intuitive sort of kid, and I knew that whatever was wrong was potentially dangerous to us.

Before I had a chance to utter a reply, or look behind at the guards trailing us, the first shots rang out. Grabbing Inari in my arms, I darted forwards, only to find myself looking at the barrel of a fancy gun. I felt a searing pain in my arm, and the next thing I knew, I woke up to semi-darkness and a cold cell.

Blinking my eyes to get everything into focus, I soon made out Inari, cowering in the corner, looking terrified. I tried to sit up, but failed pretty miserably, falling back to the cold floor with a groan.

"John? Are you all right?" Inari whimpered, as she scrambled over to me.

I started when my eyes focused on her torn dress, and the blood that was spattered down the dirty fabric.

"Inari. Are you hurt?" I managed to croak. "Did they hurt you?" I asked, anger simmering inside me.

She looked at me in surprise, and shook her head.

"No. The blood is yours. I ripped my dress to make a bandage for your arm. They refused to bring medical supplies, so I…improvised," she told me, in a proud voice that reminded me of McKay's.

"That's good. You're okay though?" I asked again, concerned at how pale and scared she looked.

Inari nodded, and reached out to touch my injured arm.

"It is you who are hurt. The projectile went straight through you, and you bled so much. I was scared you were dead," she whispered, tears brimming in her eyes.

Jesus, what sort of bastards would kidnap a little kid and subject her to that?

Looking up at Inari, I managed a smile.

"Hey, takes more than a bullet in the arm to kill me. I'm fine. I just need to get my bearings a little."

I managed to sit up, and rapidly had to close my eyes as nausea and vertigo assaulted me. Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself with my good arm, and gingerly opened my eyes.

"There you go. I'm good now." I grimaced as I tested my injured arm. It hurt like hell, but the fact that I could move it and feel my fingers was a pretty good indication it was nothing too bad. "Do you know where we are, or why we're being kept here?" I asked.

Inari nodded again, and I saw the fear in her eyes.

"I read one of their minds. It was not easy to do so, and I am not certain of what their true purpose is." She looked at me with pain in her eyes, and rubbed at her tear filled eyes with grubby hands. "They are an alliance of outsiders, who have waited for millennia to claim their right as leaders of the Linarian Alliance."

I sat there numbly, not believing my ears. We'd got caught up in yet another civil war. Funny that Meldos hadn't mentioned anything to us about this little group of terrorists.

"Have you heard of these people?" I asked tentatively.

Inari nodded, and bit her lip, trying to control herself.

"I have heard my father discussing them. He has never spoken to me directly of this, but I know most things," she answered honestly.

I managed a small chuckle, as I knew she probably did.

"Okay. These 'outsiders' presumably don't want your father or you around, and want to take control, right?"

Inara smiled at me, her sad eyes scrutinising me.

"You are very perceptive, John."

"Do you know where we are?" I asked. I knew the layout of the sanctum pretty well, but something told me we weren't there any more.

Inari shook her head, and once again I saw that she was terrified.

"I do not. John? I am scared. I feel their hate towards me. I am sorry you have been captured too, as I fear they will kill you." Tears slid down her pale cheeks, and she edged towards me, finally burying her head under my good arm.

"Hey. No crying. I won't let them hurt you. I promise. I'll get us out of here. You have to believe me." Why did I always promise things that I knew I might not be able to deliver?

I knew we were in real trouble. I had no idea where we were, and if our captors had a sensible kid like Inari spooked, then I had my work cut out for me.

Suddenly our cell door sprang open, and a pretty angry looking guy strolled in. I managed to stand, hustling Inari behind me.

The angry guy beckoned to two burly guards.

"Bring me the girl. Leave him," he ordered.

I backed up, blinking away my blurry vision.

"No way. You're not touching her. Talk to me, and let's see what I can do for you. Maybe I can get you what you want?" I knew my words wouldn't help. But I'd be damned if I'd give up Inari without a fight – whatever it cost me.

Angry Guy laughed. Not a nice laugh. The kind of laugh you hear in those bad horror movies. Shit. We were in deep trouble.

"Colonel Sheppard. There is nothing you can help me with here. You're alive only because you give me bargaining power. Let the little princess go, or you will not enjoy the consequences of your defiance," he warned.

When have I ever responded well to threats? I backed away some more, until Inari was up against the wall behind me.

"You touch her and I'll kill you."

I knew that was a pretty idle threat. But, I would do my damndest to take them out if they harmed a hair on her head. Even if it meant haunting them in the afterlife.

The angry guy nodded at the guard, and as they approached, I took my only chance. I rushed them, only to feel a pain in my head, and then darkness.

Waking up a second time was just as worse as the first. My head argued with my arm as to which hurt the most, and nausea threatened to rear its ugly head as I opened my eyes wearily. My right eye was blurry, and I couldn't see clearly out of it.

I looked around for Inari, and my heart sank as I remembered she'd been taken. So much for me protecting her. Great job I'd done – again.

I must have zoned out for a few minutes, as the next thing I knew, the cell door was opening and Inari was pushed inside.

She ran over to me, and knelt by my head, as the door was slammed shut.

"Hey. You okay? Did they hurt you?" I croaked, as I swallowed back bile.

Inari closed her eyes briefly, and reached out to touch my head.

"You are bleeding." I heard the rip of fabric, and groaned as I felt a pressure at my hairline. "Stay still, John. I must stop this. I am unharmed. Do not worry about me. I know you feel guilty I was taken, but there was nothing you could have done."

I hissed as she applied more pressure to my head wound. Opening my eyes, I blinked furiously, and I realised my right eye was full of blood. Well, that explained the blurry vision. I reached up to wipe my eye, and as I pulled my hand away it came away red.

"Stay still." Inari warned. Her calm behaviour was incredible to witness in someone so young. I knew she was frightened, but she didn't let it overwhelm her. She sure was an amazing kid.

"What did they want?" I managed to slur.

Inari sighed, as she ripped more of her dress, and pressed it against my head.

"The bleeding is slowing, but you have lost a fair amount of blood."

I grunted as my head pounded.

"Head wounds always bleed a lot. I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks. What did they want?" I repeated.

"They made me speak with my father, and relate their demands to him," she answered quietly.

Great. I'd let them take a small kid and use her as a pawn to get at her father. Anger welled up in me.

"What do they want?" I asked, as I ground my teeth together.

Inari didn't answer me straight away. I heard her swallow, and I reached with my good arm to hold her hand.

"They had me tell him that if he and his advisors do not surrender to them by nightfall tomorrow, that I will be executed."

My ears rang, my vision blurred. How the hell was I going to come good on my promise to Inari? I knew Meldos would never agree to those terms.

I'd been scared quite a few times in my life. The Wraith had certainly frightened me on more than one occasion. I'd been scared as hell when I thought Kolya had killed Elizabeth, and then would kill McKay. But this…this was different. Inari was a kid. An innocent kid in danger because she'd had the misfortune to be born into a ruling family. As my body decided to check out for a while, my last thought was that I'd failed to keep my promise to Inari. She was going to be executed and there was nothing in hell I could do to stop it.

Tbc.


	4. Chapter 4

Failure 

Thanks for the reviews! Thanks also, to Kodiak for her beta skills and wonderful support!

Chapter 4

Sheppard's pov

Inari and I spent a very long night together in our uncomfortable cell. Our captors finally brought us water and food in the early hours of the morning. Well, foul tasting discoloured liquid that had to pass for water, and rustic, stale bread.

Inari didn't complain at our meagre provisions, she just ate and drank. Me? One swallow of the bread was enough for me to puke my guts up, and then lie in agony for twenty minutes, as my head felt like jackhammers were trying to strike their way out of my skull. I'd forgotten how much I loved head injuries.

Inari set about cleaning me up, and I sighed as she put a damp piece of her torn dress on my forehead to try and ease my pounding head. All I could do was groan and try not to throw up again.

She was a comfort to me through that dark, long night, and I hope that I comforted her right back. I'm not good with emotions or expressing them, but I like to think she knew how I felt; that she was a really special little girl, and that I'd do anything – everything I could to protect her. I didn't manage to say the words out loud, but I told her in my head, and hoped that her mind-reading skills were as good as I thought they were.

I knew my team would be pulling out all the stops to find us. I also understood how problematic that could turn out to be for them. Maybe Meldos would let McKay contact Elizabeth. Maybe she'd send the Daedalus. They had been due to arrive at Atlantis five days after we'd left on our mission. That meant Caldwell had to have arrived, didn't it?

What worried me about our whole situation, about my hopes of rescue, was that there were way too many maybes going on.

When morning arrived the guards returned in full force, and it was my turn to be dragged from the cell, with Inari pleading for them not to take me. I wasmarched roughly through dark corridors and hustled into a large room. They stood me in front of some sort of communication device, and activated it. I guessed it was my turn to play the traumatised hostage. Like Inari, they wouldn't get that satisfaction from me if I had anything to say about it.

When I looked at the screen opposite me, I saw Elizabeth's worried and angry face staring back at me.

"John? What have they done to you? Are you all right?" she asked in concern.

I had two guards holding me up on either side, a bloodied head and a bandaged arm. I was sweaty, dirty, unshaven and I'd guess I looked pretty rough. Good job Elizabeth couldn't smell me, because she wouldn't have liked the delicate aroma emanating from me either.

"I'm having a ball, Elizabeth. These guys sure know how to throw a party," I quipped, knowing full well my little joke would earn me a little love tap.

The leader of the thugs approached me, and swung the butt of his large gun into my gut. I doubled over and gagged as bile rose up my oesophagus. I swallowed quickly. I'd be damned if I was going to throw up in front of Elizabeth. It was bad enough that I looked like hell and was pretty helpless. Neither of those things worked for me.

"Leave him alone." I heard Elizabeth yelling. "Just stop. Don't hurt him anymore. If you want my co-operation, just leave him alone – please," she begged. That wasn't a side of Elizabeth I wanted to see. Her begging for my well being, or life, for that matter.

"I'm fine," I lied. Looking at the angry guy, I gave him a withering look. Well, the best one I could muster considering if he wasn't careful he would've found himself being vomited on. "If you think I'm going to relay your demands to Dr.Weir, forget it. You sure you like your dramatic, heartfelt scenarios, don't you? Obviously watched too many soap operas as a kid," I informed him sarcastically, knowing he wouldn't understand my reference to Earth television, but feeling the need to express myself anyway. I figured he'd get the gist of my little jibe – and he did.

My little foray into sarcasm earned me another blow, to the ribs, just to be original, and earned another yell from Elizabeth, though she didn't beg for them to stop hurting me that time. She merely indicated in a pretty forceful way, that it might be best if I shut the hell up, and stopped being such a smart-ass. Smart-ass? Me? Never.

Angry Guy laughed. What was it about the bad guys in the Pegasus Galaxy and their maniacal laughs?

"You have seen him Dr. Weir. You can see he is in one piece – mostly. If he decides to keep quiet and not interfere with our plans, he will be allowed to live and be returned to you – if you agree to our terms." He stopped talking, turned to face me and smiled in a nasty way. "The little princess' life is not negotiable. If Meldos doesn't agree to our terms – she dies." I struggled in the grip of my guards, but the bastard just snickered and returned to his former position facing Weir's projection.

Elizabeth nodded tentatively.

"And what exactly is it you want from me?"

Angry guy studied the screen in front of him.

"If Meldos does not agree to our demands, Inari dies tonight. Then Sheppard's life is in your hands. You have one rotation of Linaria to remove Meldos and his advisors from power, and hand them over to us. If that does not happen, Sheppard will be executed."

I saw the conflict on Elizabeth's face. I knew she'd never agree, at least I hoped she wouldn't. She understood I just wasn't worth it. No individual was. I knew she'd be working behind the scenes though. Relying on Caldwell, Lorne and McKay to get us out of there. I knew they'd try. They wouldn't let me down.

"I'm sorry, but I can't agree to those terms. I'm in no position to interfere in the politics of another world. I'm certainly not going to authorise any action which involves violence against the citizens of Linaria." Elizabeth looked directly at me, and I saw the pain in her features. "I'm sorry John," she concluded.

I smiled in understanding.

"Don't be. You know I'd never agree to those terms if the situation were reversed," I replied honestly.

That earned me yet another blow to the ribs. What was it with my ribs? Goons just seemed to love abusing them. I knew if I did make it back to Atlantis, that Beckett would lock me in his infirmary and throw away the key.

Angry Guy just nodded his head at Elizabeth.

"You have till tomorrow night, Dr. Weir. Inari is already lost to her people, Sheppard will be lost to you if you don't intervene."

I smiled patronisingly at the outsider's leader.

"I don't know why you're bothering with all this. You're not going to get what you want. You'll end up killing an innocent kid and a pretty unimportant colonel, and you'll have gained nothing. Of course, Meldos and my people will hunt you down, and believe me, they'll find you, and when they do – you'll be sorry," I warned. "Just let us go, and walk away unharmed. Maybe you can, I don't know,_ talk _to Meldos about all of this and get something sorted out?"

Angry Guy just scowled at me.

"You do not understand anything. Ironically, it was your arrival here that facilitated our plans. With Meldos and his advisors beingso eaten up with you, their guard slipped, giving us the opportunity to take advantage and steal Inari from under their noses. You were just an unexpected bonus. So, in a way, this whole situation is your fault, Colonel."

With that, the conversation was abruptly ended, and I was thrown unceremoniously back into my cell.

Inari ran over to me, as I curled on the floor, holding my ribs protectively and panting in shallow breaths to try and stop from throwing up.

"Are you all right?" she asked gently, as her hand found mine.

"Not really, but I will be," I answered, knowing full well that was pretty unlikely, given the conversation I'd just heard.

"What did they want?" Inari asked quietly.

I sighed in frustration. If I told her the truth she'd be upset, if I lied she'd know. So, I went for evasion.

"Nothing much. Just tried to frighten my people into helping them. Don't worry about it."

I guess I must have satisfied her curiosity or maybe she'd read my mind and decided not to call me on my non-answer, as she just nodded and held my hand more tightly.

-oOo-

The next few hours were spent with me drifting in and out of consciousness. Each time I woke Inari was sitting quietly by me, staging a concerned vigil. Several times she tried to get me to drink; each time I managed a sip before my stomach threatened to expel its meagre contents.

I don't know how long I'd been drifting when I heard the first explosion. I immediately knew it was from a well-placed drone attack. The cavalry had arrived, and maybe we'd actually get out of the mess we were in. Maybe was a lot better than I'd hoped for. With those explosions, I realised we actually had a chance to get out of this relatively unscathed. I knew my faith in my friends wasn't misplaced.

I managed to sit up, and Inari helped me to my feet. Keeping upright wasn't easy, but it's amazing what you can do when the old adrenaline starts pumping. Explosions continued to rock our surroundings.

"John? What is happening?" Inari asked anxiously.

I smiled genuinely for the first time in over a day.

"It's my people. They've come to rescue us. Stay behind me, and do what I tell you, okay?" She nodded, and moved behind me. "This might get a bit messy, but I won't let them hurt you, I promise."

The cell door swung open and two guards entered followed by a flustered looking leader guy.

"It seems I have underestimated Meldos," he began, obviously believing the Linarians were behind the bombardment. "Move out of the way Sheppard. Unless you want Inari to witness your death," he warned.

I shook my head slowly.

"No way. You want her, you'll have to go through me."

It was then that everything went to hell. A huge explosion rocked the cell, and the guards were thrown to the ground. I grabbed Inari, pushed past the leader, out of the door, and ran for our lives.

Running with bruised ribs, a probable concussion and wounded arm proved difficult. I'd only managed to go about fifty feet, when my legs gave out and I crumpled to the ground, pulling Inari on top of me. I managed to get back on my feet, and grab Inari again, holding her to my chest; her legs hooked round my waist, her head resting on my shoulder. It was too little too late.

Something made me turn around, and there was the leader of the outsiders standing in front of me, gun pointing straight at us.

He smiled in satisfaction and just fired, giving me no time to react. The bullet hit Inari squarely in the lower back, and as I fell to the ground, I realised it had gone through her tiny body and straight into me. I remember distantly hearing shots, and the thud of somebody falling to the floor. Voices anxiously shouted around me.

I looked up to see McKay, blood dripping down the side of his worried face at an alarming rate.

"Sheppard? Are you ok?" he asked nervously.

I tried to answer, but an overwhelming emptiness enveloped me. Inari was dead. I just knew. She'd gone and the void was unbearable.

"Oh my God. Inari!" I heard Rodney yell, as she was pulled off of me. "Oh no. The bastard killed her."

I felt hands on me, pulling up my t-shirt, then heard McKay yell again.

"Shit. Sheppard's been shot. Get Beckett here. It's really bad. Christ, he's bleeding everywhere."

I was dimly aware of pressure on my side, and could hear Rodney's voice babbling away at me, but I couldn't make out his words. Breathing was getting difficult, and everything was getting dark and cold around me. My last thought was that I'd screwed up. For the first time in my life I urged darkness to come and carry me away. I'd failed to save Inari, and how the hell could I live with myself for failing her? Truth is, right then, I didn't want to. I closed my eyes and let it take me.

Tbc.


	5. Chapter 5

Failure.

Thanks to Kodiak for her beta skills!

Chapter 5.

McKay's pov.

As I leaned over Sheppard, the first thing I saw was blood – everywhere. Grabbing Inari out of Sheppard's embrace, I immediately saw that she was dead. Her once luminous eyes were open, yet dull and vacant, and all that remained was an empty shell. The bastard Ronon had just killed had murdered her. I gently laid her down beside me, and returned to checking Sheppard. My heart hammered as I studied him. He looked like hell, and was bruised, battered and barely managing to stay conscious.

He opened his mouth, and I waited for him to ask about Inari, but looking into his eyes, I could see that he knew she was gone. He let out a choking gasp, and it was then that I realised Sheppard's breathing wasn't sounding too good. It suddenly occurred to me that he could be seriously injured. As I studied his body, I noticed the spreading pool of blood underneath his right side, so I gingerly lifted his t-shirt to see if the blood was Inari's, or if it was coming from a wound in him. My question was quickly answered as I saw the jagged hole in his lower chest.

I screamed for Beckett, as I fumbled to get a field dressing from my vest. Sheppard's breath hitched as I pressed the wad of gauze firmly into his side. His breathing gradually became more laboured, until his eyes fluttered closed, and his chest stopped moving altogether.

"Shit. Beckett! Get over here. He's stopped breathing!" I yelled at the top of my voice.

I found myself being pushed away, and I sat watching, detached from my surroundings, yet morbidly fascinated at the events unfolding around me. I stared as Beckett and a nurse started working on Sheppard.

Carson got out his stethoscope and listened to Sheppard's chest.

"He has a pulse. Rapid and thready," I heard Carson's nurse calmly calling out. "He's hypotensive...eighty over sixty and falling."

"He's not breathing- probable pneumothorax. We need to get a chest tube in, and some fluids started," he informed the nurse.

I watched numbly as Carson expertly inserted the tube into Sheppard's chest, and felt bile rise in the back of my throat as I saw blood squirting from Sheppard, and air hissing, as it escaped along with the blood from his chest. After a few moments, Carson nodded in satisfaction, and I let out a sigh of relief as I heard Sheppard draw in a deep, rattling breath. Carson's cool demeanour in times of crisis amazed me. He had Sheppard's life in his hands – literally, yet Sheppard was his friend. Somehow he always seemed to manage to distance himself and act in a professional and calm way that left me speechless – well, almost.

"Good lad," he soothed, "that's it, Colonel," he continued, as he placed an oxygen mask over the colonel's face, and listened carefully to Sheppard's chest. I saw his eyes opening, and looking up into Carson's face. I could hear the colonel's rasping breaths, but despite the horrible wet sounding noises he was making, I was just relieved that he was continuing to breathe.

Carson's nurse had already started an IV, and as I watched her fiddling with it, I felt myself starting to drift, with events appearing to be played out in hazy, slow motion.

"Dr. McKay?" I turned to see Teyla crouching beside me. "Rodney?" she repeated.

I felt her hand press something into my head, and I looked at my team-mate in surprise, not understanding what she was doing.

"You have a head wound. Put your hand here," she gently ordered me, taking my hand and placing it on my sore head, so I could press the dressing into the wound I hadn't even realised I'd acquired.

"Sheppard?" I numbly asked, hoping she'd know what I meant.

Teyla smiled at me, but I could see the concern in her eyes.

"The Daedalus will transport the colonel to their infirmary shortly. Carson is just stabilising him. He is breathing again, and that is a good sign, I believe," she answered honestly.

I nodded in agreement. Breathing was definitely better than the alternative.

"Inari's dead, isn't she?" I blurted out suddenly. I had seen the look in Sheppard's eyes, seen the little girl's lifeless body, but up till then, I could only think about Sheppard's well being. I found myself seeing Inari's lifeless face as I closed my eyes, and knew her body was lying a few feet away from me. I opened my eyes and looked over to where Inari lay. Somebody had placed a blanket over her, I hadn't seen them doing that, but I knew she was there, all alone.

Teyla looked directly at me, closed her eyes, and nodded her head once.

"Yes. The projectile passed through her back, through her spine, and into Colonel Sheppard. I believe she died instantly, and did not suffer."

"This will kill Sheppard…I mean if he survives this," I added. Sheppard had grown so attached to Inari, and to lose her…like this…well, I knew the man well enough to know he'd blame himself for not saving her, not that he could've done anything to stop what had happened.

I knew he wouldn't see it that way though.

"Rodney? Let's take a look at that head wound." I heard Carson's voice approaching me.

"Sheppard?"

I heard Carson exhale, and looked up to see his worried face hovering above me.

"Not good. He's stable for the moment. I'm just waiting on the Daedalus to beam us up to their infirmary."

I winced as Carson removed my dressing and tutted at what he obviously saw there.

"That'll need several sutures. What happened?" he asked, as he replaced the dressing with a fresh one and taped it in place.

I hadn't even felt my head being injured, let alone known what had happened, so I shrugged.

"No idea. I didn't even realize I was hurt," I answered, a small laugh following my words. Beckett gently grabbed my head, and started his usual neural obs, tutting all the way through his examination of me.

Carson sighed and tapped his earpiece.

"Colonel Caldwell? This is Beckett. I need you to transport myself, Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay to the infirmary immediately."

A few seconds later, I found myself in the cramped Daedalus infirmary. I was ushered to a gurney, and forced to lie down while medical personnel swarmed over Sheppard. I drifted in and out for a while, but was woken by the sound of worried voices, and the unsteady beeping of a heart monitor, and I knew Sheppard wasn't doing so well.

I tried to sit up, but found myself being pushed back down by an overzealous nurse.

"Lie still, Dr. McKay. You have a head injury," she ordered, in a patronising voice.

"I know I have a head injury. Do I look stupid? I want to see what's happening with Sheppard!"

I managed to push myself up and get a glimpse of what was going on a few feet away. I realised Carson was arguing with a man I didn't immediately recognise. As my head started to clear a little, I vaguely remembered the man was the Daedalus' new doctor. I pushed the nurse next to me aside, and began to make my way over towards the small crowd gathered around Sheppard's examination table.

Sheppard was hooked up to all sorts of machines, and was on a ventilator. He looked like hell. Pale, sweaty, and so still. He was unnaturally motionless, except for the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. IV's littered his arms and hands; some bringing clear fluids to his body, one tube snaking into the crook of his arm bearing much needed blood. Watching the steady drip of the blood from the bag into Sheppard, I was reminded how much blood had been spilled in such a short time.

"What's wrong?" I asked loudly, hoping to get Beckett's attention.

Carson raised his eyebrows and scowled at me.

"What are you doing up? You have a head injury Rodney, and the last thing I need is you fainting on me."

As if I was the most seriously injured patient in the infirmary. Why was everybody making such a fuss about a simple knock to my head? They didn't usually bother being so attentive. In fact they couldn't wait to get rid of me most of the time. It's possible that sometimes Carson and his staff believe I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, not that there's any reason for them to think that. There's nothing wrong with being informed about ones own health, while keeping the voodoo shaman's on their toes.

"I'm fine. What's going on?" I asked again, a little more forcefully than before.

Carson exhaled and shook his head. Biting his lip, he looked pointedly at his colleague.

"Nothing. Dr. Stevens and I were having a…difference of opinion."

"About what, exactly? Because I don't know if you've noticed, but, Sheppard doesn't seem to be too well at the moment, and it occurs to me, that maybe you should be looking after him instead of arguing with each other?" Subtlety had never been my strong point.

Stevens' face was a lovely shade of puce, and he shook as he tried to control his anger.

"Beckett wants to put the colonel in a jumper and take him back to Atlantis through the 'gate. He doesn't seem to think we have the facilities here to operate effectively."

Carson wearily ran a hand through his hair.

"No, you don't. The bullet is lodged right next to his spine, and I need the scanners on Atlantis. The last thing the colonel needs is for his spinal cord to be accidentally severed." His eyes found mine, and I knew he was right. He wouldn't risk Sheppard's health. If he thought it was okay to move him, and that his best chance of recovery lay on Atlantis…well, I trusted him, and I knew Sheppard would too.

"Then stop talking and do it. Sheppard would want to go back to Atlantis, whatever that means for him. He trusts you Carson, so do I. You." I pointed at Stevens. "Go away and count bandages or something."

Carson smiled at me, giving me a pained expression at the same time. He turned to his nurse, and exhaled.

"Melissa? Let's get him ready for transport. I'll have Hermiod beam us into Jumper One," he ordered. He then looked back at me. "You can come too, Rodney. The sooner we're back home, the better."

Ten minutes later we were securely on the smaller ship, with Lorne at the controls. A few minutes later, we arrived in the jumper bay, and for the second time that day, the medical personnel swarmed over Sheppard. I found myself being forced onto a gurney, protesting for once, as I didn't want Sheppard to leave my sight.

Being pushed along the corridors of Atlantis must have lulled me to sleep, as the next thing I was aware of, someone was calling my name and flashing a penlight in my eyes.

"Sheppard?" I asked drowsily.

"In surgery. How are you feeling?"

I blinked to clear my eyes and soon recognised Dr. Lambert's serious face studying me.

"Fine. How long have we been back here? How's Sheppard doing? Beckett said the bullet was lodged near his spine…"

Dr. Lambert put his hand on my arm, and smiled gravely at me.

"You've been unconscious for two hours. The Colonel has been in surgery about an hour and a half. He's going to be in there for a while yet. Last time I heard things were a little…hairy in there. Carson's got his work cut out for him, I'm afraid."

I swallowed nervously, and felt a lump starting to form in my throat.

"Is he going to make it?" I asked anxiously. Why did Sheppard keep doing that to me? Keep getting himself injured and nearly dying. His penchant for saving the galaxy and everyone in it was getting old really quickly. Not that I begrudged him trying to save Inari. I think I'd have done the same -- no, I know I would have. She was an innocent child, and my dislike of children aside, I'd never want even the most annoying brat to get hurt.

Lambert grimaced and patted my arm again.

"Let's wait and see. I don't need to tell you how skilled and determined Dr. Beckett is. He'll pull the colonel through, I'm sure."

We were momentarily distracted when a nurse in scrubs ran into the infirmary. She spoke urgently to another nurse and ran back in the direction of the surgical suite.

Lambert sighed, and started to walk towards the nurse, who was doing something on a computer.

"I'll find out what's going on," he called out, as he turned round briefly to look at me.

A few minutes later, though it seemed like hours had passed to me, Lambert returned and explained that Sheppard was haemorrhaging badly, and that they needed more type specific blood. The nurse had been ordered to round up donors, and I knew there'd be a hoard of willing people, both military and scientific personnel, queuing up to give blood to save the man everybody held up as their model hero.

Yes, he was irritating as hell, still is, but they were right; Sheppard was the All-American hero. He was also much more. Stubborn, loyal to a fault, self sacrificing, annoying, smart…and like family to those of us closest to him, not that any of us really knew him that well. He liked to keep his private life, well, private, but I sensed a long time ago that he was a bit like me; a loner with a past that haunted him.

After Lambert had asked me the usual questions, he went on to tell me I'd suffered a concussion, so I had twenty-four hours of being woken every two hours to look forward to. Wonderful. I'd also earned myself five sutures in my head, and that, yes, I'd have a small scar. I smiled when he told me that, because I knew that if Sheppard were there, he'd have nudged me on the arm playfully, and informed me that women love men with scars. I wished more than anything that he was with me then, and not fighting for his life in surgery. I also wished Inari wasn't dead. I knew there was nothing I could do to change that little girl's fate.

-oOo-

Six hours later, and there was still no news. Blood donors had come and gone. Elizabeth had popped in to visit me, explaining that the Daedalus had left Linaria, and that all Atlantis personnel had returned through the 'gate a few hours earlier. She'd spoken to Teyla, who'd filled her in on everything that had happened after we began our rescue.

Meldos was naturally grief stricken at his daughter's death, and very concerned for Sheppard. Many of the outsiders had died in the rescue attempt, those that hadn't would be tried for their crimes. He'd arranged for a memorial type service for Inari to take place in four days, and hoped that Sheppard would be well enough to participate, as he'd fought so hard to save Inari. Meldos wished to honour Sheppard for his loyalty to the little girl.

I knew that if Sheppard survived, he'd do anything to be there -- anything.

I was distracted by noises in the infirmary, and lifting my head, saw a group of people pushing a bed into the room. Sheppard. He was back.

I knew I shouldn't get out of bed, but something compelled me to walk over to see my friend.

As I neared the commotion, I regretted my little journey.

Sheppard looked like death warmed over. Pale, sweaty, on a ventilator, with tubes twisting in and out of his abused body, in places I really didn't want to think about.

"Rodney! For goodness sake go back to bed. You have a concussion, and I know it must be bad, or you'd be complaining very loudly."

I didn't answer Carson, but just stood there in…scrubs? When had I acquired them?

"How is he?" I asked quietly, not sure that I really wanted to know.

Carson approached me, and put his hand on my arm, gently steering me away from Sheppard and back to my own bed.

"He's actually doing incredibly well," he answered in a surprisingly upbeat voice. I must have had a disbelieving expression on my face, as Carson smiled in an understanding way, as he pushed me into bed. "I know he looks bad, but, really, he's come through surgery much better than I'd expected. I know all the machinery looks a bit frightening, but it's supporting him, that's all." He tucked me in, and started to take my pulse. "He'll be on the vent for a day, just to give his chest a chance to heal. I removed the bullet, with the help of the Ancient medical scanners, and fortunately, there's been no damage to his spine or spinal cord." He let go of my wrist and shook his head. "The colonel's been very lucky," he concluded.

I let out a breath I didn't even realise I was holding.

"He's going to be okay?"

Carson nodded and walked away, writing something down on a chart he snagged from nearby.

"Aye. All being well. He's got a lot of healing to do, but, barring complications, he should make a full recovery."

I began to feel sleepy again, and felt my eyes closing.

"Get some rest, Rodney. I'll be waking you in a couple of hours, I'm afraid."

I mumbled a groan at Carson, which earned me a comforting pat on the shoulder. As I headed towards sleep, I thought of Inari. Her death was so pointless. Sheppard had nearly died too, but I knew our problems with him would be just beginning.

Our favourite Lt. Colonel not only had a long physical recovery in front of him, but an epic emotional one too. Not one to share his feelings easily, I knew Inari's death would be like a festering wound; eating away at him, unless he could find a way to accept that sometimes events are beyond our control. Sometimes, it didn't matter what you did or didn't do, shit happened. I could accept that, hard as it was. After all, the universe was chaotic at times, wasn't it? That was the natural order of things. I knew I wasn't Superman though. Sheppard? Well, I think he thought he really was. As I finally succumbed to sleep, my last thought was that I hoped Inari wouldn't become Sheppard's kryptonite.

Tbc.


	6. Chapter 6

Failure Chapter 6 

_I am so sorry this chapter as taken me so long to write. I hope everyone hasn't lost interest in the story because of my inability to write more. I've struggled to know where to go with this, but am back on track now! Thanks, yet again to Kodiak for her wonderful beta skills!_

Sheppard's Pov.

Waking up on the vent's never fun. You'd have thought the number of times I've done it, that I'd be an old hand at it. Doesn't work like that when you come to your senses to find a tube somewhere it shouldn't be. The seconds after I regained consciousness were pleasant enough. Soft noises, hushed voices, and then dim overhead lights greeting my eyes as they opened to slits. Then I swallowed, and that's when the panic hit – same as always. It's just not what your body wants; a large foreign object shoved down your throat, making your gagging reflex come into play. As hard as you try to fight it and breathe, you just can't, instinct takes over and you feel as if you're fighting for your life - literally.

My right hand reached up to get rid of whatever was trying to suffocate me, only moving the arm moved my chest and that merely caused waves of agony to claw up and down the side of my chest. Trying to breathe when you're trying not to puke and your stomach's in spasm, while desperately gasping for air, _and _feeling like a red-hot poker's burning into your side just isn't conducive to waking up nice, peaceful and harmonious.

Same as always, I felt someone grab my hand and calmly tell me not to panic. That's damn easy to say when it isn't you that can't breathe.

I heard a soft brogue through my white-hot pain and dazed panic, and felt myself focusing on that hypnotic voice.

"Okay, Son. Just try and let the vent do its work. I know it's not pleasant, but just let me check a few things, and we'll see if we can get rid of that pesky tube."

After an eternity of me struggling to control myself, and failing abysmally of course, I'd really had enough, and wanted only to curl up and die. The soothing voice reached my ears again just as I was beginning to long for death to sweep me up. I suddenly knew what was coming, cough as hard as you can on the count of three – naturally I obliged, being desperate to have my suffering quashed by the removal of that damn tube. Only when I did as I was ordered, I hadn't quite figured that I'd be left writhing in agony, and whimpering like a puppy somebody had just kicked. Even through my pain, I felt stupid, helpless and…empty. Something was missing, what was it?

I felt an oxygen mask being placed swiftly over my mouth and nose, and tried really hard to breathe as slowly as I was being ordered to. Again, it's easy to tell a patient to do that when you're not the one who feels as though a machete's sliced you in two.

Though my body was relieved to be breathing on its own again, I wasn't too happy doing that simple, life-giving reflex. Breathing just made everything hurt like hell, and I really wanted to head back to the nice, warm and cosy place I'd come from.

I heard a whiny voice in the distance shouting away, demanding that voodoo drugs were in order, because, 'couldn't the moronic Scottish idiot see his patient was in agonising pain?' I also registered that same voice complaining that animals were treated better than that, and why the hell had nobody done anything to help?

McKay. I'd recognise that voice anywhere. I'd have smiled if I hadn't felt so damn bad.

Relief came soon enough; the pain stopped instantly, bringing with it a warm, hazy feeling – morphine, just what the doctor ordered.

Opening moist eyes, shit, had I cried? I made out the blurry forms of Carson and Rodney; the former fussing over IV lines, the latter pacing up and down frantically.

"There we go, Colonel. That'll make you feel a wee bit better, I hope," Carson soothed.

"You hope? What sort of medicine is that? You're in agonising pain, laddie? Oh dear! Well, I'll just shake my magic rattle and toss around a few sheep bones, then you might feel a wee bit better!" I heard McKay taunt Carson in a decent attempt at a Scottish accent.

"Charming, Rodney. Perhaps I should run and find that nice little effigy of you I've got hidden away in my desk drawer? I need to keep practising the old voodoo, don't I? Where are those pins now? Or perhaps I should just practice directly on your bum?" Carson replied testily.

"Oh har de har! Seriously, Carson. You sure you've given him enough? He looks like he's in agony, and he never looks like that normally, not with his famous high pain threshold!" McKay whined, though I knew he was only concerned for my well being.

"Yes, I gave him enough to make him see pink elephants. Believe it or not, I do know what I'm doing, Rodney!" I heard the rebuke in Carson's voice. Time for some intervention.

I meant to say 'Hey, guys!' But, even to my ears it sounded like a garbled groan.

"Colonel! Did he give you enough morphine? You know how stingy he can be, though normally it's just with me, not you. Are you still in pain?"

God, fussing mother hen Rodney was just about the last thing I wanted.

I clumsily batted the mask off my face, even though I knew an irate Carson would soon return it to its former resting-place.

"'Mmm fine," I managed to slur. "No…pink…el'phants, just annoyed…scientists."

"I think we'll leave the mask where it was, thank you, Colonel," Carson scolded, as he put the mask back on my face.

I smiled sloppily, but tugging away at the edge of my mind was something dark. I couldn't remember what was wrong, but something had definitely gone down that should be bothering me.

I struggled to order my thoughts. The one disadvantage of morphine, was that I couldn't think clearly when on it. This time was no exception. I furrowed my eyebrows trying to think what had happened, and why I was obviously in the infirmary again.

Snatches of conversations came flooding back to me, then images. Then I remembered - and instantly wished I hadn't.

I turned my head slightly to look at McKay. My eyes searched his face, and from the look I was getting back, I knew he knew what I wanted to know.

"Inari died, Colonel, I'm really, really sorry. The bastard just shot her, nearly killed you too." McKay swallowed and I saw his discomfort at telling me what he must have known I already suspected. I hadn't dreamed that then. "Before you start crucifying yourself, it wasn't your fault. Meldos knows that, in fact he wants you to attend her memorial in a couple of days, as guest of honour."

"Rodney! I thought we'd agreed not to tell the colonel about that!"

I heard the exasperation in Carson's voice, and suddenly realised what good friends both he and Rodney were to me. Carson wanted to protect me, wrap me in cotton wool until I healed. Rodney knew me better though. Knew I'd never forgive him if he hadn't told me about the memorial service. I had to go. No debate, no maybes, I was going, even if I had to crawl there.

I bit my lip to keep my emotions in check, and looked Rodney in the eye, hoping he'd understand what I was trying to convey.

"Thanks," I managed to grind out through the mask.

McKay simply half-smiled, and swallowed. This mess must have hurt him too. He might have denied liking kids, but Inari just sort of grew on him, I knew that.

"Right. Let's leave the colonel in peace, Rodney. He needs to sleep."

Rodney shook his head stubbornly.

"No way. I'm not leaving him alone, Carson. He needs his friends."

I heard Carson's exasperated sigh, and smiled to myself.

"Rodney. You could do with taking it easy too. You're recovering from a nasty head injury, you know."

McKay snorted and I heard him pull up a chair.

"Yes, thank you for stating the obvious, Carson. Believe it or not, though my head feels as though I've imbibed an excessive amount of Radek's moonshine, I'm fine. Just get me some aspirin, and I'll sit quietly here with Sheppard."

Strangely, McKay's words achieved their goal, and I heard Carson stomp off, muttering what sounded like expletives under his breath.

I managed to prise open heavy eyes, and searched McKay's face. He looked like shit; a row of stitches on his head with bruising around it, matched dark smudges under his bloodshot eyes. He looked like he'd been to hell and back.

"You okay?" I managed to whisper through the mask, hoping he'd hear me.

Rodney looked at me as if I had two heads. Maybe his head injury was giving him double vision? I soon found out that wasn't the problem.

"Am I ok? You can't be serious," he began, and I could sense he was at breaking point. "You get yourself kidnapped, try saving a little girl, get yourself nearly killed – again. Worry the life out of us all, especially Elizabeth. Poor woman's developed even more grey hairs after this little adventure. You very nearly die, and you want to know how I am?"

Seriously, it was only a question. I guess I always want to know my team is okay before anything else. They're more important than I am, and I just needed to check they were all right. If they were fine, then everything else would be okay too. Except deep down I knew it wouldn't. Not this time. A little girl was dead. A child I cared about and hadn't been able to protect. I pushed those thoughts aside, there'd be time for me to deal with those issues later, and concentrated on my friend.

I batted away the mask again, and tried to smile, I don't know if I succeeded.

"Yeah. Can't do without you, answer man," I joked.

Rodney stood and exhaled loudly, blowing air over me.

"Would you just leave the mask alone, for God's sake. You need the oxygen, okay? And you're making me feel worse with your wanton disregard for your own health. Everybody's fine, except you. Same as usual."

Wow, McKay was really on the edge, one foot dangling precariously over the precipice.

"I'm fine, Rodney. Well, I will be."

"And of course you'd be the best judge of that, wouldn't you?" He leaned over me and replaced the mask. "Just do what you're told and keep the damn mask on. I've suffered enough all ready."

It was then I realised the obvious distress that I'd caused him. He was worried about me. Losing Inari was painful for him, it hurt like hell, but the possibility that Rodney could have lost a close friend was crippling him. Welcome to my world, McKay, I thought. I lifted the mask again, my hand shaking from the effort.

"I'm fine, really. Sorry you've had to go through all of this. Damn sorry, McKay. Sorry about Inari too, poor little kid. What did she ever do to deserve this? Just born at the wrong time to the wrong people. Life's a bastard sometimes…"

Suddenly I felt excessively tired. Everything blurred, and I felt myself sinking, deep into my mattress.

I looked across at McKay and closed my eyes.

"Sorry, McKay," I whispered as I felt myself being dragged back into the nice, warm, safe place I'd recently come from. I felt the mask gently being placed on my face again, and breathed in gratefully.

"Just get some sleep, Sheppard. I'll be here when you wake up. Everything'll be fine. We'll get though this," I heard him assure me, before I saw darkness.

-oOo-

The next couple of days were filled with moments of hazy pain and lucidity in unequal amounts. Carson kept me pretty doped up, until he removed the chest tube, and then he started to wean me off my happy meds.

All through this, Rodney, my faithful sidekick, remained by my side. Sure, Elizabeth, Teyla and Ronon filled in for him when Carson made him shower, thank God, and eat. Sleeping for McKay seemed to consist of dozing in a chair next to my bed or crashing on the infirmary bed next to me.

I told him I was going to Inari's memorial, and he'd agreed to help me achieve my goal. No arguments, no 'Are you purposely being obtuse or do you really just have a death wish' being thrown at me. He simply agreed, and told me he'd do the same in my place.

The memorial was scheduled for the next day, and I knew we'd have a battle to convince Carson to let me go. I'd been allowed up the previous afternoon, but had soon found myself back in bed, sweating like Rodney when there was mention of chocolate pudding in the mess hall, and hurting like hell. It wasn't going to be easy to walk around tomorrow, let alone take part in a ceremony on another world.

I'd realised that persuading Carson to allow me to leave Atlantis was going to be tough – and it was. He started with his usual 'No bloody way, Colonel, are you completely stupid?' to which McKay had generously answered, 'Of course he is. Now who's being stupid?'. We'd next progressed to, 'Over my dead body are you even leaving this infirmary, Colonel, let alone this planet. Is that clear?'

After hours of wheedling, cajoling and pleading, yes I sank that low, I got nowhere. Enter my defender, one Rodney McKay.

"Carson, listen to me," he began. "He's going to leave whether we like it or not. He's not the head of military for just any reason! He'll just come up with a devious escape plan, steal a Jumper, pass out, crash it and probably kill himself, and it'll be all your fault," he threatened.

"Don't you be putting this on me, Rodney," Carson warned. "I'm only watching out for my patient, who, I might add, can barely stand, let alone walk anywhere. He's got sutures in his chest, isn't on proper solid food yet, and still needs his IV as well as regular pain meds and monitoring. None of that is going to change overnight."

Rodney patted Carson sympathetically on the back, and I sensed one of Rodney's performances coming on.

"I know, Carson. I know. But you know what he's like. Once he's determined to do something, nobody can persuade him otherwise. I know what a pain he can be, but I'm looking out for him too," he soothed. McKay sure could be a devious son of a bitch sometimes. "Wouldn't it be better for you to supervise his little outing?" Rodney smiled at Carson warmly. "I mean with all your medical prowess he couldn't come to any harm, could he? He can go in a wheelchair and you can keep an eye on him. What do you say?"

I watched as Carson's defences crumbled. Another victory to the genius.

"I say I'm not bloody well happy about this," he began angrily. His features suddenly softened though. "But, you're probably right. Best for me to agree and monitor his health. Though if he comes out of this worse for wear, it's your backside that'll be feeling my needles, not his," he warned.

McKay nodded seriously, and then an annoyed expression crossed his face.

"What is it with you and needles Carson? Seriously have you developed some sort of fetish for them?" he asked, as he steered Carson away from my bed. "Let's go and get you a nice cup of coffee. It can't be much fun having such a difficult patient as the colonel. I don't know how you put up with him…"

I shook my head as Rodney turned round and raised his eyebrows at me, before he continued on his journey with one very manipulated doctor. I had to marvel at McKay's abilities, and thank him for achieving what I hadn't been able to.

I closed my eyes and steeled myself for the next day. It was going to be hell, and I needed all the rest I could get if I was going to pay my respects to that sweet little kid.

Tbc.


End file.
